honourbyname | [OOM] Letters and Confrontations

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[OOM] Letters and Confrontations

Hogwarts is both a big and small enough place to be to suit one's needs.

Big enough to hide away when you want to, when you're trying to avoid someone and stay out of someone's way.

Small enough because no matter how much you hide or avoid someone, they're always within sight of you - during mealtimes, during night hours, during after-class study hours.

It's worse when you're in the same House.

Albus has been avoiding Scorpius for a little more than a week now, though the letter he'd received from the other boy in Milliways has been on his person at all times, usually tucked into the pockets of his robes, or hidden between the pages of whatever textbook he happened to be reading at the time.

He didn't have to worry about anyone coming over and nicking his book off him.

No one but Scorpius, himself, really did that. And, well ...

He's read the letter now more times than he can count, and he can practically recite it word for word if he wanted to.

It wasn't that Albus never wanted to speak to Scorpius again; far from it, in fact.

It's just ... it's waiting for the right moment to have a conversation.

And it's Albus giving Scorpius' letter a great deal of thought. And giving Scorpius a great deal of thought.

Albus still has no bloody clue what to think about him.

But there's one thing he has missed, and it's his friend.

So, gathering what little courage he has that allows him to remain a Potter at all, Albus decides to find Scorpius.

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Oh, Merlin.

Well.

Albus can find the other boy on his way back to Ravenclaw Tower.

Scorpius has been anxiously awaiting and simultaneously dreading the day Albus approaches him about the letter. And the painful thought that Albus had gotten the note and wanted nothing more to do with him was just starting to plant itself in his thoughts.

So when Scorpius sees Albus seemingly headed his way? He has half a mind to turn tail and run.

But he has to talk to Albus again. And -

Yeah, he's missed him too.

He finds his feet suddenly frozen in place.

Edited 2011-04-14 02:56 (UTC)

Albus' entire body feels like he's been doused in ice-water.

His fingers, his feet, everything feels a bit out of place and completely cold.

His heart is racing quicker than the fastest broomstick, and it's lucky for them that there's no one about on this side of the school.

"Scorpius -" he starts, but his voice comes out a little quieter than he would've liked. "Um. Hi."

Scorpius has gotten used to feeling that way around Albus. Like his heart has been racing circles around the Quidditch pitch. And he's managed not to get completely tongue-tied around him.

But now, it's just -

Albus knows, doesn't he?

He drops his gaze to his feet, clearing his throat.

"Hi."

"Um. Er. How're you, then?"

(Really, Potter? Really?)

He internally facepalms.

"I mean - you're all right?"

"Oh, uhm."

He's not sure he can answer that properly right now.

He settles for a shrug.

"How about you? How are you?"

"All right," Albus answers faintly (and - really - automatically, as 'all right' is the complete opposite of what he is), Scorpius' letter burning a metaphorical hole right through his robes pocket.

"I -

"I ... erm. Got your letter."

His hand goes to his pocket for said letter, and he pulls out the (now) slightly worn page.

Oh. So there it is then.

Scorpius lifts his gaze only high enough to stare at the page in Albus' hand.

And stare.

And stare.

And -

He really does have it, doesn't he?

"Right. So you did."

Albus nods.

"Yeah."

Blimey. Why is this so hard to say?

He tries his best to remember what Lily had told him, what he had rehearsed for days.

But his mind is suddenly, horribly blank.

He clears his throat, a part of him suddenly wishing he could just disappear into the walls right now.

"Er. Maybe we could ... um. Talk about it?"

Scorpius, sucking in a deep breath, nods.

"Sure," he says, faintly, releasing the breath.

They do have to talk.

"Do you, uhm - Do you want to go somewhere else? Somewhere more private, maybe?"

Not that there is anyone around to overhear them at the moment.

Edited 2011-04-14 04:23 (UTC)

"Yeah."

That would definitely be a better option than the hallway leading to the Ravenclaw Tower, where classmates will show up by the dozens after classes finish.

No one needs to listen in on their conversation.

People would give them weird looks as it is for the fact that Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter are talking at all.

"Great."

Privacy would be brilliant.

Though Scorpius isn't ashamed of fancying blokes, he doesn't think he can deal with the whispers and rumours of the more gossipy students if anyone was to overhear this.

"There's a, uhm, spot this way," he says, hooking his thumb over his shoulder. He takes two steps backwards, almost afraid Albus will disappear if he turns around.

"I'm sure people know about it, but I don't think we'll be bothered."

"All right," he says, eyes flicking to the general direction Scorpius is pointing at.

"Er. Lead the way?"

"Right."

He shifts his weight from foot to foot and then turns.

"It's not that far. Just - "

He leads the way, hoping Albus follows. The other boy did say he wanted to talk, so he doesn't think Albus will disappear on him.

(Unless this is all part of some scheme to embarrass Scorpius horribly, but Albus surely wouldn't do something like that.)

Either way -

"Here," he says, approaching a door that opens easily with a quickly cast Alohomora. It doesn't open into an empty classroom, but an empty stairway that doesn't lead anywhere except for a small room with old brooms and buckets.

Pathetic, really. But at the very least there is a window?

Edited 2011-04-14 14:05 (UTC)

If the soft footfalls of Albus' steps are any indication, he hasn't disappeared yet.

And he certainly hasn't got his dad's old cloak either, so he's certainly visible.

All of which are irrelevant, really, since Albus did come here to talk to Scorpius, and he is going to do it. Potter courage, and all that.

"I'd never been here before," he says as he passes through the doorway. "How do you know about it?"

Stalling? Albus? No.

Scorpius colours and the light may be dim, as it isn't a very big window, but it does nothing to hide the red in his cheeks.

"Well, uhm. In our first year, my mate, Rigel, and I sort of went exploring and opened a lot of doors. I was having some trouble with the older students then and places to hide were great," he explains, ending in a mumble.

"Anyway."

He climbs the first couple of steps and sits down.

"It's a brilliant spot to hide," Albus agrees, nodding.

He could have used a spot or six during his first year to hide away from all the 'Is your name really Albus Severus Potter?' 'Albus Severus - like the Headmasters?' 'Did you know Severus Snape did [this] ...?' 'Oy! He looks exactly like the Boy Who Lived!' 'Harry Potter's your dad, isn't he?' 'How come you're not in Gryffindor?' etc. etc. etc.

He debates whether to join Scorpius on the steps or stand where he is. He could stand, but that'd make him look a bit like a prat, talking down to Scorpius. But then it would also allow Scorpius room to leave quickly, if Albus were not blocking the way by sitting.

However, sitting would also bring the conversation to a more equal level, and honestly, how long does he expect to stand?

Then again, how long does he expect this conversation to last before Scorpius decides to leave?

Oh, the dilemma.

While he decides (with an articulate, "So. Um."), Albus scuffs at some invisible bit of dirt on the floor.

Scorpius swallows nervously and plucks invisible lint from his school robes.

That gut-wrenching feeling that Albus wants nothing more to do with him? Is very strong right now.

Albus is still standing, after all. He probably wants to tell Scorpius that the friendship is over and walk away as quickly as possibly.

And he could've just told him that in the corridor. Why pretend?

Scorpius glares at the floor, then schools his features into a sharp mask.

This sucks.

"Listen, if - You can just say it."

Edited 2011-04-14 14:42 (UTC)

Yes.

And he should just say it.

The words are there, stored up in his head like a speech written up on a set of cue cards; all it would take is a quick and easy recitation, even if those cue cards are looking a bit jumbled at the moment.

But if he says it, then it's final.

Then Scorpius will (he fears) react badly, and while Lily did say that chances of that happening were unlikely, and that if he did, then 'to hell with him' ... but it's not that easy, is it?

This is why Albus hates confrontations.

"Okay," he says, proud of the fact that he does not squeak or allow his voice to crack.

In fact, it sounds almost uncharacteristically confident ... before it quickly spirals downwards.

"Well. I - um. Got your letter, as you know. And um. I gave it a lot of thought. And - um. Well, we were mates before this - before you - er."

Ohgod.

He's skipping about three of those mental cue cards right now.

"So. Even if I haven't really got - I mean, I don't really know - er. I would like to still be your friend, if ... if you want."

Albus currently wishes the ground would just swallow him up whole. Or a great three-headed monster suddenly bursts through the door and eats him.

That was said all wrong.

All. Wrong.

"Right. That's what I thought."

Scorpius pushes to his feet. And if he rubs his sleeve across his eyes, then the dust is to blame. Because dusty places are dusty.

He isn't. He won't. He's not going to cry.

They were mates before, and now Albus doesn't want to be. That's all.

Except that Albus does?

What the other boy is really saying finally catches up with him.

"Wait, what?"

For one horrified moment, one night (or day)-terror instant in time, as Albus watches Scorpius get to his feet, it's like his worst night (or day)-mares are coming to life.

Scorpius. Is. Going. To. Just. Leave.

But then he pauses.

See, it matters to Albus what Scorpius does.

It matters to him more than he really thought it would, because he'd never had a great many friends, so he assumed he'd just get used to never speaking to Scorpius again like they'd done for nearly six whole years.

Except that he wouldn't get used to it again.

Not anymore.

Not when they share Milliways in common, and they had a lot of laughs, and Scorpius is really, really cool - and they have a surprising amount of stuff in common.

Albus lets out a breath (of relief) and clears his throat.

Round two, here we go.

Let us try to sound a little more articulate this time, please.

"I - er. I want us to still be friends? But - um. That's only if you want. I don't know ... I don't know exactly about the other stuff yet, how I feel, and I don't want to give you any - um." Ohgod. "Wrong impressions, or anything. Because I never - well. I really think you're cool, and I like being your friend. That's all."

... well, it could have been worse.

Scorpius finds himself staring again.

This time at Albus and not at the floor or the wall or the letter in his hand.

Then, he laughs. (With relief!)

"Uhm, well, yeah. 'Course I still want to be friends. That was the whole point of the letter, really."

Edited 2011-04-14 15:53 (UTC)

"I know," says Albus quickly, "it's just - well. You could still have changed your mind. Or ..."

Or decide it just simply wasn't worth it, if Albus couldn't reciprocate Scorpius' confession so readily.

Still, when Scorpius laughs, it's like all the tension in the stairwell space suddenly lifts and Albus can breathe normally. "But - I'm glad. Really, really glad."

"Oh. Well, no, my mind remains unchanged."

Grinning, he sits down on his step again. He's glad too. Really, really glad.

"But, uhm, what did you mean by the rest of that? About not knowing how you feel?"

Because that bit was somewhat confusing to him.

Edited 2011-04-14 16:06 (UTC)

"Nothing," is Albus' go-to, instinctual reply, being the sort that keeps all things to himself.

But it's really not nothing.

"Er. That is, I mean ... well, you said you -" And here, Albus blushes furiously, before he manages to croak out the words, "- fan-fancy me, but I dunno.

"I've never actually - well, you wrote it yourself, I've never really fancied blokes before. So it's - well, it was a surprise that you -"

He huffs a frustrated sigh and tries again. "I don't really know how I feel about ... about you, beyond the fact that I still want to be friends. And I suppose it doesn't really matter anyway, does it, because -"

No. That sounds like it could be some really weird sort of accusation, and it's not what he means at all.

"I guess I'm just a bit confused. In general. About everything. And I don't really know why you'd even fancy me."

"I thought, uhm - I thought that was all you felt. Just friendship, I mean. I wasn't - I didn't mean to confuse you. About anything."

Scorpius frowns. He's confused again now too.

"I fancy you because I - No, I don't want to..."

How can he even explain that?

He trails off in a mumble, shaking his head.

"You like girls, Albus. What I feel doesn't matter because you likes girls."

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