[OOM] Letters and Confrontations

[honourbyname]

Hogwarts is both a big and small enough place to be to suit one's needs.

Big enough to hide away when you want to, when you're trying to avoid someone and stay out of someone's way.

Small enough because no matter how much you hide or avoid someone, they're always within sight of you - during mealtimes, during night hours, during after-class study hours.

It's worse when you're in the same House.

Albus has been avoiding Scorpius for a little more than a week now, though the letter he'd received from the other boy in Milliways has been on his person at all times, usually tucked into the pockets of his robes, or hidden between the pages of whatever textbook he happened to be reading at the time.

He didn't have to worry about anyone coming over and nicking his book off him.

No one but Scorpius, himself, really did that. And, well ...


He's read the letter now more times than he can count, and he can practically recite it word for word if he wanted to.

It wasn't that Albus never wanted to speak to Scorpius again; far from it, in fact.

It's just ... it's waiting for the right moment to have a conversation.

And it's Albus giving Scorpius' letter a great deal of thought. And giving Scorpius a great deal of thought.

Albus still has no bloody clue what to think about him.

But there's one thing he has missed, and it's his friend.

So, gathering what little courage he has that allows him to remain a Potter at all, Albus decides to find Scorpius.

Comments

[honourbyname]

Albus presses his lips into a thin line and glances down at the flagstones of the floor.



"... yeah. I'm not good at any of this."

[alsoagreengrass]

"Right. I'm not any good at this either. I - My first girlfriend, Olivia, she asked me and then my parents were the ones who set up all those dates for me after her and I split. Annabeth's the first girl I've ever - and you're the first boy..."

He trails off. He doesn't think any of this is helping.

He clears his throat and pulls himself together, sitting up straighter on the stair.

"Right," he says again. "I can't help you figure any of this out. Because I can't be objective; I'd only try to influence your feelings in my favour. And you could end up hating me for that. So.

"I fancy you. You know that, I know that. But, whatever I feel for you, that doesn't matter. You have to figure out how you feel. About... girls and boys and me.

"I won't lie and say I don't hope for - Well, you know. And I can't wait around hoping either. Let's just... Let's be friends. We both want that, right? So, we'll do that. And if you decide you're interested, we can talk about this again. And if you're not..."

He shrugs.

"We're friends."

[honourbyname]

"All right," Albus says. "That's a good, um. Logical plan."

And in the end, they're still friends.

Which is the most important part of all this confusing, complicated messiness.

He lets out a breath and offers Scorpius a smile.

He even decides to join him on the step.

[alsoagreengrass]

Scorpius returns the smile.

He can't stop himself from having these feelings he has for Albus, but he does feel better knowing that the other boy is still content to be his friend.

"So, uhm, would it be rather stupid of me to ask you how you've been?"

[honourbyname]

"No," says Albus, shaking his head. "I mean, I'm sure you probably know the answer ... but it isn't stupid."

He shrugs.

"Confused is how I've been. Really confused. And - um. Well, it was kind of ... quiet. Well, not in my head, but ... otherwise - yeah."

[alsoagreengrass]

"Yeah."

Scorpius nods his head along in understanding. Then he ducks his head, a shy smile.

"Sorry."

[honourbyname]

"It's all right," says Albus dismissively. "I mean ... I never would've noticed, really, unless you told me ... though there was that one time when you'd been acting really - um. Well, a bit odd."

He smiles, too. It's vaguely teasing.

[alsoagreengrass]

Scorpius laughs. The sort of laugh that if he was the sort to snort, it would have been interrupted by a loud one. Purely genuine.

"Oh. Only the one time? Well, that's good to know. Maybe there's a, er, chance I can do undercover work still, then."

[honourbyname]

"Probably," Albus agrees, nodding. "But then, I'm completely rubbish at detective work, so it's not like I'm much of a judge either."

[alsoagreengrass]

That's okay, Albus. He stills like you anyway.

"Your grandmum is rather brilliant at it."

Scorpius leans back on the stair, elbows resting on the next one up.

"I told her about this note Red had found - she's been putting things on the top of my canopy, did you know? - and you should have heard her. Maybe we're just meant for something else."

[honourbyname]

"I reckon you're right," says Albus, nodding again. "My grandmum ... my grandmum's the best, isn't she?"

His smile suddenly seems a bit sad.

"I haven't been able to tell anyone else about her. I mean, I could tell James, I suppose, but ..."

He shrugs.

"Red's doing well at Hogwarts, then? I think I spotted her digging around Philip's things the other day."

[alsoagreengrass]

"Or you could just keep her for yourself. Though, I can't promise I won't talk to her. I have to check on how Mr Benedict Oliver Nathaniel Edgington-Smith is faring.

"And, oh Merlin. Are you serious? People will start to think I've trained her to steal their things, if she keeps doing that."

[honourbyname]

"... Mr Benedict what-now?"

There is a frown of frowny proportions.

[alsoagreengrass]

"Oh, uhm. It involves some back-story I won't go into, but he's a skeleton. An animated skeleton. You should ask her to introduce you."

[honourbyname]

"I ... suppose I will," Albus says slowly, in a sort of 'are you going mad?' tone of voice.

"Anyway. It's not that; keeping her for myself or anything. It's more the fact that ... it's not like I could really talk about her because ... back home, she's not - well, she's not there. You know?"

[alsoagreengrass]

"No, I know," Scorpius says, softly. Though, he can't truly understand, having all his grandparents still. "You can always talk to me, though. I won't look at you as if you've gone mad."

[honourbyname]

Albus nods.

"Yeah," he says, grateful. "I could talk to you. And I'm glad I can, too. Though I suppose if we do start talking here at Hogwarts, we'll have to get used to people - um. Looking at us a bit odd. You know, considering we haven't really said much to each other all these years."

[alsoagreengrass]

"Right. That will be... fun. Oh, Merlin," he suddenly exclaims, laughing, "I can imagine Rigel's face now. It's been weird, not being able to tell him anything. About Milliways. I've known him for ages. My entire life, even. He'll think I've gone mad. He knows how I am at school. I don't just talk to anyone."

Unbeknownst to him though, his friends have already started to notice something is up. Considering they've caught one or two of the glances that Scorpius has snuck at Albus this last week especially.

[honourbyname]

Albus' own friends probably have noticed something, too.

Particularly where it has concerned the letter.

(Not that Albus has told a soul about it at school. Honestly, the only one besides himself and Scorpius who knows about the letter is Lily. And that's because Lily helped him.)

Though his ability to really keep things close to the chest has still - more or less - lowered such suspicions.

Now, though.

"How d'you think other people do it? Especially if you have no one to talk to about it in your world ... but then - there are all these brilliant things you want to - um. To share with others."

[alsoagreengrass]

"I haven't a clue, honestly. I remember, when I'd first found Milliways, and this was some time before I knew you were even there, I hated it. Having no one I could talk to. I think..."

He frowns, thoughtfully.

"I think in some ways Milliways has prompted me to be more honest about the things I can talk about. I suppose that, er, explains the letter I left for you."

[honourbyname]

"I wish I were a little more like that," Albus admits. "But it's not easy for me to ... to be honest about some things.

"As ... as you'll know."

[alsoagreengrass]

"I think the fact that you wish you were says a lot about you," Scorpius says after a long pause. "But, anyway, I think you're doing fine as is. You realize you initiated this chat, don't you? That must not have been easy. Honestly, I sort of wanted to walk in the other direction when I saw you."

[honourbyname]

Albus trains his eyes to the flagstones again, a bit bashful now.

"Well, I'm not really all that brave or anything. I sort of thought about the ground swallowing me up, or - um. A three-headed dog eating me whole while I was ... trying to get the words out," he confesses. "It wasn't easy, you're right.

"But I - it's important, so I knew I had to talk to you. Instead of writing a reply letter, even."

[alsoagreengrass]

"A three-headed dog?"

And Scorpius got the have you gone mad tone for an animated skeleton?

"Like Cerberus?"

Not that the three-headed dog is the important thing here.

"Well, anyway, I'm glad you did. Talk to me, that is."

[honourbyname]

Albus nods.

"Yeah, like Cerberus. Or like Fluffy. Not that I've met either one of them before."

He's just heard stories. Particularly about the latter.

"I'm ... glad I did too. It's cleared up some of this, anyway. And - er. Scorpius, I feel like maybe I should apologize for ... making you feel like you couldn't tell me what you did in your letter. I think, from now on, we should probably just talk to each other - honestly - if - we've got something to say. Yeah?"